Personal journal of a Christian woman
A poem about a girl raised as a Jehovah's Witness.
Published on January 13, 2004 By wvjcgirl In Blogging
Mary Ann’s Hallway

There was a little girl

her name was Mary Ann

she sat out in the hallway

as holidays were banned

no Christmas tree, or birthday cake

no New Years resolution

to her church and family

these were evil mind pollution

instead her mind was filled

with their rules and with their laws

she knew them all so well;

don’t think ~

don’t ask ~

and don’t you ever tell.

the silence was deafening

as she bottled up her questions

she tried to keep their lies

handed out as explanations

she used her pillow late at night

to bottle up her cries

and pasted on her mask each day

she smiled through the lies

i’m ok

i’m just fine

nothings going on

the teachers seemed unconvinced

but they soon left her alone

the hallway was a lonely place

for the little Mary Ann

she wasn’t given anything

no pencil, pen or crayon

sometimes when all was quiet

she’d quietly get up

and look into the window

of the world that was corrupt

the children seemed so happy

with their cake and cards and presents

the hallway seemed so lonely

with nobody else in it.

the years moved on one by one

the hallway stayed the same

cold and dark and empty

no one ever came

to help the little girl

who’s name was Mary Ann

no one came to save her

or take her by the hand

some teachers tried to trick her

tried to get her to come in

“no one will find out” they said

“eating candy’s not a sin.”

they didn’t understand

the power of a lie

growing deep inside her heart

where all her dreams would die

she was different

she was better

God thought she was good

she wore her hallway shame with honor

like they told her that she should.

when Mary Ann turned ten

she became so sad inside

buried deep inside her

all the tears she hadn’t cried

she couldn’t speak the words

that she wasn’t supposed to say

she laid down in her bed

and she began to pray

she walked behind the wall

of all the hate and fear

she told the God that loved her

she knew that He could hear

she closed the door

and heard the click of

the lock upon that room

she sat down in the corner

of her self-created tomb

the days and weeks and months passed by

as the little girl sat so quiet

the family and the doctors

put her on a different diet

they said that she would die

she had lost her will to live

God said “let it go”

and He helped her to forgive.

she mustered up her faith

and ate the food they gave

she went back to the hallway

and tried harder to behave.

soon she grew and left that school

no more empty hallways waited

she tried to put behind her

all those memories that she hated

as she grew she changed

she got weary of the lies

she started asking questions

she started asking, “Why?”

The faces with the plastic smiles

that filled the Kingdom Hall

soon turned to fearful glances

the fear was on them all

they said she was an outsider

no longer in the flock

her punishment was silence

all they did was gawk

she was marked with shame

until she proved repentant

the problem was she wasn’t

her heart was no longer in it

the lies had piled up

through the silent years

the hallway and its hauntings

still preyed upon her tears

she turned and walked away

happy to be free

but the people with the masks

called it Apostasy.

they lurked in every shadow

and watched her through the night

everywhere she tried to go

they held her very tight

how could they be everywhere?

as though they all were gods.

she tried to shake them loose.

they would turn around and nod.

one day she had a plan

she went to the Kingdom Hall

she told them all her sin

she told them of her fall

she called them names

she told them lies

told them what they needed to hear

she acted unrepentant

she didn’t shed a tear

they had the proof they needed

they slapped the label on her

the shunning was official

she was a woman of dishonor

when she called to tell her parents

they said “now you are dead”

she cried throughout that night

alone upon her bed

she waited for the satan

they always said would come

now that she was disfellowshipped

satans family was her own

the blackness swirled around her

the air was icy cold

“this is it” she thought

i’m only 19 years old

i never kissed a boy

or excelled at anything

i never went to dances

i never wore a ring

as the nevers filled her head

the girl named Mary Ann

felt a lightness in the room

and Jesus touch her hand

His Voice rang loud and clear

from the darkness in her soul

His Voice said “Mary Ann”

and she knew He’d make her whole

she picked up all the pieces

of her shattered broken heart

and gave them all to Jesus

and He gave her a fresh start.

C. A. S. 2004

on Feb 04, 2004
I'm crying. This was poem is so AWESOME. And sadly, so true for many people.
Thank you